Saturday, June 20, 2015

An example to others

I never thought. I never considered it wanted to be an example of someone who is strong. Someone said recently that I was strong. They're proud of me because I'm strong.

I don't want to be strong. I want to be a whiny baby and go home to San Diego. 

But then I get to the other side of a challenge at work. Or I have a great weekend afternoon with a friend. And I realize that this is a fucking adventure and I'm doing it alone and okay fine I catch myself being independent and strong. 

I have my supporters. And they all miss me. And it's hard being away from each other. 

But I'm having a hard time focusing on all the good things that have happened since my and because of my move. 

Leaps and bounds. 

I was only coming here for a job. Yeah I figured I'd learn things about myself. But I'm only five hours away from home. How much different could it be?

Leaps and bounds. 

It's hard to see it all in the darkness. Because you know it's there. But it's gone at that point. You know it's close. And you'll see it when the lights come on. But until then it's dark and everything else isn't there. You can't feel it or sense it or smell it. 

And then a text comes through. I saw a butterfly and thought of you because you hate them! Or a post about missing your far. Or a text about going on a tour of a famou architect's digs.  

Perspective, mother fucker. 

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