Sick of being sad

I'm so sick of this. I'm so sad I feel physically ill. Nauseous. Just tried to go to the store and started crying in the car. Not the first time I've cried at the grocery store or target. But it got too out of hand on the way there I had to come home. 

This is so fucking depressing. I know it will pass. But it seems like the bad times are outweighing the good. Or at least the Not Miserable Times. 

There's a constant lump in my throat. I always think it will feel better if I let it out a little. But it never does. 

Chicago in two weeks. Conference in three weeks. Cousins visiting cousins this weekend. I hope I don't sound miserable while I'm with them. I also hope their cousins will be more welcoming to me. 

Am I a baby that I can't deal with not having people around?  It's not like I need it every day. Just once in a while. Once or twice a week.