Low lows and then better

I felt so low today. And yesterday. Stressed about the upcoming work trip, reference book, and work shop. Stressed about not having the reference book completed, not focusing on it as much as I should have. I worked on it this weekend at coffee bean. It was nice to get out of the house for a while and not have the car an oven. 

Last week around this time I was feeling high. Hopeful. It was a change in the weather. It felt like fall. Not humid in the am, and breathable air. Refreshing. 

And then this weekend. So low I felt like  I would throw up. Cried Sunday. In the kitchen. In the shower. I woke up feeling like I cried in my sleep. 

Low again today. Low like crying at my desk low. Could have cried in meetings low.  Better later at work though. Worked through the reference book. Had a productive meeting, shot the shit. Taught. Worked on the reference book more. Talked to Melissa this evening. Cleaned the kitchen. Took a shower. 

Had to write this down bc I know things get better. But it never feels like that when I'm in it. 

Furiously happy came in the mail today and maybe that brought some hope, too.